Whew, what a day! And night, too. Last night I just couldn't fall asleep. The last time I looked at the clock it was well after two thirty in the morning. I have no idea why - I didn't have caffeine, I didn't have worries running through my mind and I went to bed at a reasonable hour. I woke up around eight this morning with another headache, took my meds and woke up again at eleven fifteen. The rest of the day has been spent in a sickly fog and I just woke up form another cat nap. It's been quite a while since I've had a day like this. I really hit the wall. Last week was busy, I know, so I guess this doesn't come as a complete surprise, but I certainly didn't expect to feel this bad. What a crummy way to spend a Sunday.
Wasted days are part of the landscape of dealing with fibro and chronic fatigue. I am writing each day to chart my journey and i was thinking that it might be interesting to view these days in a graph - it would be full of jagged ups and downs. I wonder if there is a pattern. I wonder what it would look like. I am resigned to the ups and downs and I don't expect for it to be much different than its been. There is a difference between acceptance and resignation. Today I feel resigned to having low days and that feeling carries sadness and frustration. Days when I'm feeling acceptance I am more at peace and I don't add that layer of negative judgement.
There are days when I am moving forward and it feels like I am unstoppable. Other days I'm moving at a slower pace, but at least I'm still moving. Sometimes I feel like my day is in fits and starts - like I've tripped but I continue to stumble along without ever really getting my footing underneath me. Then there are the days that I fall. I'm down. No movement, no heading toward the finish line, no energy to get up again. I might not be able to get up today, but my energy will come back at some point and I will get up again. Tomorrow is a new day. I may be up or I might be down. No matter. It is out of my control and control isn't the name of the game anyway. It is up to me to adjust my attitude and to accept what comes with grace and the certainty that a better day is possible.
Wasted days are part of the landscape of dealing with fibro and chronic fatigue. I am writing each day to chart my journey and i was thinking that it might be interesting to view these days in a graph - it would be full of jagged ups and downs. I wonder if there is a pattern. I wonder what it would look like. I am resigned to the ups and downs and I don't expect for it to be much different than its been. There is a difference between acceptance and resignation. Today I feel resigned to having low days and that feeling carries sadness and frustration. Days when I'm feeling acceptance I am more at peace and I don't add that layer of negative judgement.
There are days when I am moving forward and it feels like I am unstoppable. Other days I'm moving at a slower pace, but at least I'm still moving. Sometimes I feel like my day is in fits and starts - like I've tripped but I continue to stumble along without ever really getting my footing underneath me. Then there are the days that I fall. I'm down. No movement, no heading toward the finish line, no energy to get up again. I might not be able to get up today, but my energy will come back at some point and I will get up again. Tomorrow is a new day. I may be up or I might be down. No matter. It is out of my control and control isn't the name of the game anyway. It is up to me to adjust my attitude and to accept what comes with grace and the certainty that a better day is possible.
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